Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
