don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
