we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
