If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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