i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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