i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
