You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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