Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
