hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
