the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
