They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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