it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
