Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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