From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
