were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
