I think I died a long time ago.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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