So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
