then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
