I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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