she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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