Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
