I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
