Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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