About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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