I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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