Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
