I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
