My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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