Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I need moral support for this bender
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
not ubering you a puppy
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
