Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
