i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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