maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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