tonight lets celebrate not being married
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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