I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
