Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
