You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
