You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
