so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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