so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
