did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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