I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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