The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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