i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
