I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
