I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
