Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
