Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
