so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
