Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
