question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
