He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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