So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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