you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
NoShamevember. You game?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
