Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
