i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
