when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So much rum. So many feels.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
