It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
