im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
