I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
