i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
